Incoherent Ramblings About the Key to Time

After six weeks of build up, once again the Key to Time quest ends with a bit of a whimper. I keep hoping that something will change in my perspective, but it never does. On paper it sounds good: the Doctor and Romana show up on the war-torn world of Atrios amidst a devastating nuclear war with its sister planet Zeos. There's a war mongering Marshal, and a mysterious figure known as the shadow who is secretly manipulating the whole affair from behind the scenes.

I can forgive many of the story's weaknesses, just not ALL of them. Probably the biggest weakness is in the supporting characters. Merak, Astra and Shapp are terrible. The first two are non-entities that make me grind my teeth rather than have sympathy for them, while Shapp is reduced to a comedy character when really he should be an anchor in the story and a foil to the Marshal.

And while the Shadow is wonderfully creepy, whenever he uses technology the character seems diminished. I would much rather have seen the character employ more psychological torture and mind control. Those little square blocks to the neck/chin are ridiculous.

Shame the White Guardian couldn't bother to show up at the end of the story to mop up, but I guess the Doctor's moral choice to destroy the key would have become somewhat awkward in the event of that happening.

Revealing that the last segment of the Key to Time was in fact Princess Astra is a pretty cool story development though. It make so much sense that the quest should take this dark turn. Let's recap for a moment on what these pesky segments were disguised as:

1) A valuable fuel source. One has to wonder what kind of kick your space cruiser would get from popping this baby into the fuel tank. One small chunk can run an entire fleet at the best of times. What would the innate powers of the segment have added? And for that matter is jethrik environmentally friendly?

2) The core of a rocky, wet, desolate planet. Presumably no one lived on this horrid excuse for a planet. Question: so when the Daleks made it part of their "reality bomb" (in the new series story The Stolen Earth) was the segment part of the deal? I mean if Astra was reconstituted after the Doctor snaps ye olde tracer, wouldn't the planet have been too. Best to steer clear of Callufrax, the place is just trouble. Perhaps someone should put one of those warning beacons around it like they did to the Earth in Last of the Time Lords.

3) The Great Seal of Diplos. Vivian Fay, aka Cessair of Diplos, snatched this little trinket from the royal family and took off into hyper-space to initiate some serious girl power. The great seal apparently lets you transform into any form you like (whether that be Tom Baker, or the woman in sensible shoes next door) and divert your prison bus into a theoretical absurdity. Presumably it can keep your Adrienne Rich fan letters private as well.

4) A dragon at the foot of a statue. Really? Really? What, did the White Guardian decide to bugger off to a sale at Pier Imports and just sort of left that task to the Deputy White Guardian ?

5) A Swampie holy relic. Back in the old days on Delta Magna there was a group of Swampie agnostics who decided to leave the flock to create their own enlightenment. Boy were they stupid. Turns out their holy relic was the shit. May Kroll defecate on their memories. But seriously, the Doctor and Romana utterly destroyed their religion. But faith abhors a vacuum, so perhaps they'll deify Philip Madoc. "Our father who scowls in a rainstorm, hollowed be your rich velvety base voice, bring us this day of piercing stares..."
6) An emo princess in a silk nightie. Apparently the sixth segment had the power to look lovely but utter bore anyone within earshot. Did the White Guardian actually knowingly disguise the segment as a person? What an incredibly dickish thing to do! Was it his way of faking out the Black Guardian? Hey crow-head, you think you're a bad ass, you just wait and see. Oh sure, the Doctor asserts that his dove-li-ness would have immediately let her go. I'm not so sure. And what the hell did Astra see in that wet noodle Merak? Personally I thought she'd have been better off on Team Shadow.

Number of times Merak calls out "As-tra": I couldn't possibly count.
Original viewing date: October 13, 1984

Wine: Six (small) glasses of Morse Code Shiraz from Australia.
Music: "Break My Stride" by Matthew Wilder