Memoirs of a Geek Part 2

Newf was a guy my dad worked with on the (air force) base. I was watching The Power of Kroll that Sunday afternoon (videotaped from the night before) when he stopped by to shoot the shit with my father.

"Oh Doctor Who!" he exclaimed. It was the first time I'd ever met anyone who laid claim to watching the show. And he said it with such affection. While chatting with my dad, his eyes kept darting back and forth from the TV. He made a point of saying goodbye to me and told me to enjoy the good Doctor.

In retrospect Newf was exactly the sort of guy you'd find at any given convention--he was odd, and a red head who insisted on growing a wisp of a moustache. He was also extremely opinionated, shooting his mouth off over everything under sun (think cletus the slack-jawed yokel without any of the parental instincts). My dad told me later that he'd been given a medal for rushing into a burning building and rescuing two children. It seemed hard to believe because Newf struck me as an overgrown kid himself.

I have to wonder as I sit here with a glass of malbec watching a giant squid ravage half naked green men in The Fens whether this is a slightly suspect activity for a 40-plus-year-old male to be engaged in (I now have a good 15 years on old Newf). According to Paul's letter to the Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." I'm guessing Paul wasn't so big on playing with Galilean actions figures.

Men are always being accused of never growing up, succumbing to so-called Peter Pan syndrome. It's similar to the way that Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens accuse people who adhere to a faith tradition as being deluded or in arrested development. Mind you gay men are allowed a certain leeway in this regard, due to the unconventionality of our lifestyles. I feel like I'm cheating when I play that card though, because I lead a pretty conventional life.

The religious analogy is a good one, if you think of Doctor Who as "the text". Originally watching the program as a child or adolescent, it becomes intertwined with our unfolding understanding of the world around us. It can be the backdrop to political formation (killing the monsters can sometimes be wrong), sexual awakening (look Zoe in a catsuit or Jamie's solid legs pushing against his kilt), artistic understanding (I want to create stories like that) and one's place in the universe.

I've seen some pretty insightful stuff written in fanzines and online about the various undercurrents in the show. For my own part, I love exploring the effects that watching the program has had on me and others. Get a group of Doctor Who fans together and you can inevitably mine their memories for all kinds of fascinating stuff (particularly since so many of them are highly intelligent and creative).

Many Doctor Who fans balk at some of the sillier aspects of the new series because they want the program to be taken more seriously like say Star Trek or Lost. Lately I've heard endless speculation on how the sixth series has a darkening colour palette. Thing is, the show has always mixed childish glee with darkness. When Thawn first returns to the refinery from his jaunt to Delta Magna, he's passing out prezzies to all his work mates. Three episodes later he's gunning down one of them in cold blood. The story could probably use a little more whimsy.

Several months after watching Kroll, I started babysitting for Newf and his wife (I'll call her Wendy). She was the sweetest person you'd every want to meet, and he treated her so badly. Berating her at every turn. And yet she always kept her cool. A couple of years later, when Hawaiian shorts were in vogue she generously offered to make me a pair with a pattern she had. Let's just say that the finished product, while incredibly generous, was not something my insecure teenage self would ever be caught dead wearing. Think polka dots and billowing. One of the last times I babysat for them, I remember desperately trying to get their crying baby to settle down to bed before Mindwarp came on. KVOS had been showing The Trial of a Timelord on Saturdays at eight. I remember almost forgetting to get my money off the coffee table because I was so traumatized over Peri's horrible death.

I asked my dad about Newf and Wendy a couple of years ago. Apparently she finally left him a number of years previously. More shockingly I learned that Newf's son had murdered him and was serving a lifetime sentence for the crime. That little baby I used to diaper had stabbed him!

Funny thing is, I still look fondly at that Sunday afternoon so many years ago where I shared a moment of connection over the love of Doctor Who. Here's half naked green men and a decent South American Malbec.

Original viewing date: October 6, 1984

Wine: "Trumpeter", an Argentinian malbec.

Music: "Legs" by ZZ Top. My friend Dwayne loved this song and insisted on doing air guitar every time it came on.

Momentum Interruptus

I've always loved the first ten minutes of the Androids of Tara. Romana takes charge of the quest and locates the Key-to-Time segment with a minimum of muss or fuss. It's a nice twist on the established format. Unfortunately we then have to have an adventure. It's rather like peeking in the closet for your Christmas presents and then having to get through to the big day with almost no anticipation. The story itself is fine. Peter Jeffrey is great as Count Grendel, there's some great swashbuckling and the neat (if ultimately unnecessary) addition of the titular androids.

But it sure kills the momentum of the Key to Time arc. It's a runaround to be sure, but the script doesn't even go to the trouble of putting the revealed segment into any real jeopardy. Perhaps if its innate powers had somehow affected the plot.

It's a common problem with programs that engage in arcs but are essentially eclectic in nature. The X-Files was a prime example. You'd get a gripping arc-related story only to break the tension upon returning to the next monster-of-the-week episode (affectionately known as "bumfrak Arkansas" stories). Russell T Davies' attitude to the problem in the new series dodges the issue nicely by making the character arcs central and playing very fast and loose with the actual plot arcs. Some Bad Wolf here, some bees there and Rose popping up on vid screens for no logical reason. Of course even his character arcs could fall prey to the bum-frak syndrome as they did in season 2 with Rose being sidelined in a variety of stories, most noticeably The Girl in the Fireplace.

Conversely modern viewers have developed a bit of a mania towards story arcs in television series. An excellent stand-alone episode will often be denounced as "filler" because it doesn't advance the arc. It's as if people have reduced good storytelling to a kind of where-is-Waldo checklist. Imaginary points are to be had for those who can out-think the writers and put the pieces together. In turn, writers and show-runners resort to all kinds of gimmicks and absurd plot twists to keep so-called loyal fans appeased.

Still, there are other things to love in The Androids of Tara. I absolutely adore that purple outfit with matching hat that Romana wears, but Fisher really misses an opportunity to have more fun with it. At the very least Strella could have remarked that it was dreadfully out of fashion. The lush location work is also kinda special, given that that the production team actually had beautiful weather for once. And Tom Baker finally gets to admonish K-9 for the leisurely speed he adopts in lasering doors.

Original viewing date: September 29, 1984

Wine: Reynhart: "One of our local wines, modest, demure, but palatable." With that in mind, I picked up a Black Cab (Cabernet, Baco Noir) from the East Dell Estates in the Niagara region. While searching for my wine this week I came across one called Planet Pluto and another called Helix. How did I miss these before?! D'oh.

Music: "You Might Think I'm Crazy," by the Cars.

If I Had a Hammer Horror

Hammer Horror and Doctor Who overlap across a significant part of my brain's real estate. Both offer a slightly skewed, richly British way of looking at the world. They're populated by an unending parade of memorable, talented character actors. The biggest difference is that Doctor Who injects primarily science (or pseudo-science) at the core of its storytelling while Hammer Horror divides it's time between pseudo-science (The Curse of Frankenstein, Quatermass, etc. ) and good old-fashioned religious/Christian reasoning (Dracula, The Devil Rides On, etc.).

There is a certain colour palette that distinguishes Hammer, rich velvety reds and blues. If I close my eyes I see forests with bare leaves, luscious Victorian drawing rooms, lusty pubs and blood so red it probably has its own Pantone code. Victims are always warned ad nauseam,

One of my favourite movies from Hammer is The Devil Rides On. Curiously it stars Christopher Lee as the good guy! But even on the side of the angels, he still has a slightly sinister aspect, making the viewer glad he's on our side for once. There's a bit of early first Doctor about him--he's haughty, rude and mysterious. But most definitely not doddering. The cast is fantastic including Paul Eddington (Yes, Minister) and Charles Gray (Diamonds Are Forever, The Rocky Horror Picture Show). Like Doctor Who it revels in offbeat imagery: a goat-headed demon, a rather politically incorrect black genie with the creepiest eyes ever and several scenes that seem ripped right from The Daemons.

Once the 70s came around Hammer became increasingly campy. I loved it. Swinging sixties tropes caught up with gothic horror. Don Houghton (writer of The Mind of Evil and Inferno) brought us The Satanic Rites of Dracula and Dracula 1972. The latter comes complete with hippies and a musical number!

It was about this time that fellow horror maestro Amicus Productions also had it's heyday. Freddie Francis (director) and Jimmy Sangster (writer) both mainstays with Hammer became involved in the slightly more low-brow efforts of Amicus. The best of these were the "portmanteau" films, basically short stories linked by an overarching narrative. These were the best in my opinion. Jon Pertwee featured in The House That Dripped Blood (1970), while a pre-Doctor Who Tom Baker made an appearance in The Vault of Horror (1973). Again the crossover of British Character actors who appeared in both is significant: John Bennett, Ingrid Pitt, Geoffrey Bayldon, Maurice Denham, Michael Gough, Richard Todd, John Franklyn-Robbins, Angela Pleasence, Tom Chadbon, Erik Chitty--the list goes on and on.

Doctor Who echoed Hammer Horror most vividly during the Hinchcliffe/Holmes era with its riffs on classic horror stories (The Brain of Morbius, Planet of Evil, The Talons of Weng Chiang, et all). Like Hammer, gothic horror from that era has its own signposts: English country homes, pseudo-science masquerading as the occult and lots and lots of body horror. There is also that time honoured theme of humanity messing with forces that it shouldn't. Whether it be Professor Scarman opening the tomb of Sutekh, or Professor Sorenson hording away anti-matter, all hell breaks loose when we meddle.

The Stones of Blood was the last ship to leave the horror harbour as the storytelling began to take a turn in different directions. David Fisher's little gem is a bit of a hybrid narrative, switching gears from the horror aspects to a more humourous sci-fi bent in episodes three and four. Some folks are rather turned off by the change in tone, but really it's Doctor Who doing its thing. We had 3 years of stellar gothic horror; why not tinker with the format.

The major attraction to the story is the complete sense of irreverence it conveys. Amelia Rumford and Vivian Fay are simply smashing as the thinly veiled lesbians at the centre of circle. I don't even care that Beatrix Lehmann has an odd almost hartnell-esque quality when delivering many of her lines. She's charming nonetheless. Tom Baker's interplay with the Megara is pure season 17 and I don't care, he amuses me and that's all that matters.

Watching the Key to Time season is like going to a party hosted by someone who likes an eclectic spread. It may not be the best food I've ever tasted, but its fun, varied and I can spit the bits I don't like into a napkin.

Original viewing date: September 22, 1984

Wine: Yes, as threatened I dusted off another bottle of Ravens Wood Zinfandel. As satisfying as it was during The Image of the Fendahl. I did however have a shot of Lemoncello to keep the Ogri away.

Music: "What's Love Got to Do With It?" by Tina Turner.

Six Degrees of Doctor Who

Long before I read The Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy I was fan of Douglas Adams, thanks to The Pirate Planet. Doctor Who as a franchise, with its almost 50 years of history is like a friend who's really well connected. Think of it also like a reference or a letter of introduction. From Hitchhikers I went onto the Dirk Gently books and only last year I read Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion partly because of his friendship with Adams (and a little bit because he's married to my eternal crush -- Romana II Lalla Ward). I'm not quite that superficial, I was interested in the subject matter, but I must admit that it added a little incentive, a certain oomph.

Countless times I've been flipping through the channels and come across a British television show shot in that familiar way (standard multi-camera set-up interiors/exteriors on film). The Tomorrow People and Sapphire and Steel both grabbed me that way.

Recognizing a familiar Doctor Who actor (regular or guest cast) is a sure-fire way to draw me in. I first developed a taste for Amicus films because I found a DVD featuring Jon Pertwee in The House That Dripped Blood (which in turn led me to The Vault of Horror with Tom Baker). Soon I was scouring the basement of HMV for anything with Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. Which renewed my love of Hammer Horror from when I was a kid.

I once made a list of all the Doctor Who related actors that appeared in I, Claudius -- I believe I came close to 50. And they were from all eras of the show: Stratford Johns (Four to Doomsday), Kevin Stoney (The Dalek Masterplan/The Invasion/Revenge of the Cybermen) Derek Jacobi (Utopia), and Patricia Quinn (Dragonfire) and on and on. And of course it was said Mr. Johns who led to my fascination with the old British series Z-Cars.

Mark Eden and Derren Nesbitt who appeared together in the first Doctor serial Marco Polo both coincidentally appeared together in The Prisoner episode "It's Your Funeral". The Prisoner is one my other all-time favorite shows on its own merits, but definitely ranks high because of the same British-ness that Doctor Who oozes. And on a Sunday morning you will definitely find me often worshiping at the alter of Coronation Street, a mainstay on CBC television, but not something I ever watched until I recognized Helen Worth (Colony in Space) one week during university. All it took was five seconds of lingering to be pulled in to the absorbing comings and goings of "The Street".

Probably the most significant Doctor Who introduction I've had of late is my new-found affection for Agatha Christie mysteries. I ashamed to confess that I'd never cracked a spine of one of these ubiquitous inhabitants of summer cottages and musty Value Village shelves (most people I know left them behind in adolescence). Thanks to Gareth Robert's new series story The Unicorn and the Wasp I've been making up for lost time.

Oh course there's also that category I like to call, "Doctor Who made me do it". Questionable things I did or watched because of my love of the show. With no further delay, here are my top 10 things "Doctor Who made me do:

10) Watched The Secret Smile, a lurid little ITV drama that cast David Tennant as an evil stalker. This I watched right before his debut as the 10th Doctor. It took months to erase the image of him as a creepy destroyer of lives.

9) Stopped eating after 7 and returned to the Y (following a month hiatus) as a result of lusting after Matt Smith's slim 27 year old towel-clad body in The Lodger. Who was I kidding.

8) Spent two nights in Cardiff, one of the most boring cities in the UK, just to frequent such exciting Doctor Who locations as a deserted waterfront and a non-descript shopping mall.

7) Developed a massive crush on a girl in grade 10 who reminded me of Lalla Ward.

6) Struggled with the entirety of Escape Velocity, just so I could finish the BBC books' trapped-on-Earth arc. (Okay, I lie, I skipped to the last 20 pages to see how it finished up).

5) Sat through 90% of Torchwood season 1 and 75% of season 2.

4) Skipped out of the after party of my high school graduation to watch The Dalek of Invasion of Earth. Ouch, that one feels particularly pathetic.

3) Killed innumerable trees making endless Doctor-Who-related lists.

2) Attended a rather tedious production of Arsenic and Old Lace in Canterbury, which starred Louise Jameson as one of the old biddies. You know you're getting old when...

1) Two words: Gorgonzola cheese. Blech!

But God do I still love The Pirate Planet after all these years. Every time I hear the Captain complain about "zombie Mentiads and interfering Doctors" I get giddy. The poor old fellow just wants to be left alone to rape unsuspecting planets of all their mineral wealth and collect the leftovers in tubes like footballs -- why is everyone getting in his face. Take away all the Adams trappings and dialogue and you have a pretty conventional plot (City of Death is the same). Doesn't matter in the least, because like Russell T Davies he's just throwing stuff against the wall to see what will stick or like Steven Moffat he revels in recycling ideas into whatever new form takes his fancy (like say Dirk Gently).

Original viewing date: September 15, 1984

Spirit: Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum

Music: "We Belong" by Pat Benatar